Happy Birthday To Me

In the last few minutes of my birthday, I just wanted to say a quick thank you to Alex, Devin, Gavin and everyone else who took the time to stop and think about me on this, my 42nd birthday.

I know that 42 is old to some and young to others, for me it just feels strange.

I have known my husband more than half my life, and I love him more now than the day I married him.  I am the mother to twin adult children.  I am blessed to have my grandmother, mother, aunts, in-laws, uncle, cousins and quite a few really great friends.  I have a career I like which pays the bills, volunteer work that makes me feel good, and I hope contributes to the health and well-being of my community.

Thanks to the few of you who read these random ramblings, I appreciate your feedback and support.  Here's to making 42 a great year filled with love, laughter and enough luck to make it all that much more interesting.

A funny thing happened on the way to the dinner.......

For those of you who know me, this is going to make you laugh--a lot.

Last Friday night Alex, Devin, Gavin and I were getting ready for the Kainos Annual Dinner.  It's about 175 people in the room, all members of the "choir" if you will.  This is staff, donors, volunteers and supporters of a fabulous organization which provides vocational training and support as well as group living situations for developmentally disabled adults.  We volunteer there, and on Friday I was tasked with presenting a new fundraising campaign to this room of folks-many of whom I know well and all of whom are already supporters of Kainos.

I had been trying to put together what I was going to say for a couple of days, and had been unable to come up with something I liked.  Alex tried to help--he is amazing with coming up with catchy phrases and apt things to say to folks, but I just wasn't really feeling any of it.  I made notes.  Then I wrote out a whole speech.  None of it was quite right.

So then it was Friday evening, I came running in the door after work, started getting dressed, and Alex and I were going over all of the things I COULD say.  This is the part where it gets funny.

I was nervous.  I'm never nervous speaking in public--it may be one of my more irritating qualities.  I am often nervous when I have to do one on one conversations, especially if they are uncomfortable.  I can't remember the last time I was so nervous I couldn't put a sentence together, though, until last Friday night.

I had some notes, I knew what I needed to say, but I just didn't know what I was going to say until the moment I got to the podium.

Alex was (understandably) worried.  The boys thought it was sort of funny.

I did it though.  Got up there and spoke--supposedly pretty well.  I cracked a joke (a little bit I threw Alex under the bus, because when we left the house Alex said "Just don't make me look dumb, okay?") it drew a pretty good laugh.

I came up with two sayings today that seem to apply:

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt
"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those doing it."  Chinese proverb

Neither fits perfectly, but they do go along with my theory in life--the answer most often lies in forward motion, even when you've got the direction wrong.

Good night all--I hope your week goes well.

Do what you can, don't focus on what you can't do.

Japan.

Last week if I had said Japan, people would have wondered-vacation, business, new friend, new fascination.  Now the only possible response is.....WOW.

I get earthquakes and I get tsunamis.  I get that they happen, and I get the devastation that they cause.  I understand instinctively that horrible things happen all over the world everyday, disasters both natural and manmade, but this.  This is visceral.  It's horrible and shocking and it's happening.

We can donate money.  We can plan for our own disaster preparedness.  We can become CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) members.  We can pray, send strength and courage to those we know and those we don't.  We can do all those things, and we do and will.

What we can't do is let it take over our day to day lives.  We have to more forward, go to work and school, complain about kids and co-workers.  Put out a helping hand in your community, in your neighborhood, in your family.  Contribute to the big stuff--please do that.  Also remember to do the small stuff.

Not surprisingly, I am frustrated by the boys.  Not giant sized frustration, just constant small frustrations.  They don't pay attention to their grades, they don't take care of their responsibilities, they take more than than give at every turn in the house.  Outside of the house, they are great guys.  They have earned a lot of respect in out community, at their school, with their friends, with out family and with our friends.  Great kids, but they can't seem to focus on what they can do.

I don't have any huge thing tonight, just that I keep telling them that they have to focus on what they can do, take care of their responsibilities and move forward.

Advice I could maybe use a little of.  

That's it, just do what we can do and don't focus on what we can't do.

Tuesday night heaviness with a touch of hope

I am a member of the Redwood City Housing and Human Concerns Committee.  Part of the Committee's job is to administer Community Development Block Grants.  These are funds that come through the Federal government for us to administer within Redwood City because the city fits specific criteria regarding our populations demographics.

All of this is a complicated way of saying that I am part of a committee that solicits applications from agencies who provide direct services to Redwood City citizens who fall into several categories, including seniors, low-income, homeless, disabled and other under-served folks in the community.

Tonight we had our funding deliberations.  Which means that after receiving far more applications than we had available funding, we deliberated and put forward recommendations to the City Council.

All this means that over the last few weeks, I and my fellow committee members have been reviewing applications from non-profits, listening to representatives and clients from these organizations and tonight debating what they do, how many people they serve, and who best fits the parameters to receive these funds.

It was depressing as hell.  No lie, worst year in the five I have been involved with this committee.  We had approximately one-fourth of the funding that was requested.  It was tough, and some great organizations didn't receive funding, and none of them received the full amount of their request.  Truly depressing is the fact that many of the organizations have had their funding from other sources and their fundraising dip because of cut backs and the economy.

Now for the hope.  No really, it's in here.

Each of these organizations, and many like them in other communities accept donations in the form of cash, other assets and volunteer hours.  This means that we, each one of us who lives in a community have an opportunity to support those of our citizens who most need help through our donations.

If you already volunteer--at your child's school, at an organization that you have a personal connection to, through your church, wherever, that's great.  If you already donate to charities in your community, that's also great.

If you don't, or if you can do more, think about it.

A venti latte at Starbucks costs $4, more if you get syrup or other add-ons.  A donut costs about $1.  Lunch out at work costs anywhere from $3-20.

Times are tough, I don't mean to sound preachy, but the statistics are terrifying.  Unemployment is out of control, we are likely looking at several years before we have a significant financial recovery.  There are people in our communities who need help, and many of us are in the position to provide help.

You think that your few dollars won't help or make a significant dent, but they will.  Agencies can leverage your small donation and point to it as community support when they apply for larger grants or other private matching funds.  Those same agencies call out the number of volunteer hours donated per year as a part of their bottom line on services provided to their communities.

That's the touch of hope.  No matter how bad things get, no matter how desperate these agencies and these community members get, there are always people who can help.  That's us, folks, it's us--because if we don't do it, and don't encourage our friends to do it, who will?

Sorry to be preachy--I'm off the soapbox now, and getting ready to head to bed.  What did you do tonight?

Stuff and Such

So, I haven't done this in a bit, and my last entry was pretty damn introspective.  Let me assure you this is far less likely to be so.

I made stew today.  For those of you who don't know me well, I make stuff in large batches.  Last year I was in charge of the football dinners--feeding 70 kids about every other week.  This was right up my alley. I have big pots.  I cook big--chili, pasta, meatballs, you name it really.

So, stew.

This afternoon I said to Alex and Gavin (Devin was at work) "What would you like for dinner?"  Alex had no input (sometimes he is super specific, most times though, he really would rather skip the whole conversation), but Gavin said "Beef stew."  So, while I was out running errands today I picked up the fixins'.  Beef, onions, potatoes, carrots, broth, peas.  All good stuff.  Now, Alex hates stew.  Doesn't understand why anyone would take perfectly good ingredients and boil them before eating them.

Now, skip to the good part.  The boys left at ten minutes after 7 tonight, and the stew was ready at 7:45.  This means there is a giant pot of stew on the stove, Alex and I ate some (one of us had two bowls....bet you can guess which one), and some will go to the various folks I take food to--my Grammy, my Mom, the boys boss, and I will take some to work for lunch on Monday--might even have some to put in the freezer.

So, this is forcing me to think about the fact that the boys have lives.  There, I've said it.  They have lives.  One of them even has a (gulp) girl friend.  I separated the words on purpose because I don't know if that term is official, but they are certainly dating.  I'm guessing that as they get more and more independent I will have more and more dinners that are eaten by two of us instead of four.

My question--should you choose to answer it is this:  Does it get less annoying?  Easier?  Normal?  Okay, that was three questions, but you get the picture.

On a side note, the stew was really yummy, and Alex actually ate it :)

I told you this one wasn't deep.

Who I am versus Who I Want to Be......

I have had nothing but half-asleep, half-drugged time on my hands for the last 10 days.  For those who haven't been following along, I have been sick for a week and a half, and haven't been to work since January 28th, and haven't done much but lay in bed feeling horrible, watch bad televiision and movies, re-read Little Women (total classic, love it!) and think, and think, and think.

Much of my thought has been scattered and bizaree, but part of what I have come up against is the question of who I am versus who I want to be.  I want to be glamorous, sexy, well-spoken and accomplished.  I am frumpy, total PTA mom, crass and have a good career, but I'm not sure those are the same thing.  So then the question becomes how to get from here to there, and here is what I have come up with.

1)  Low maintenance isn't working for me, high maintenance seems like a lot of hassle, therefore I am going to strive for mid-level maintenance.  This is also known as doing the best I can with what I've got :)

2)  My husband thinks I'm sexy, and that is enough for me.  If I work on number one, he is likely to think I am sexier, and that can only work out better for me, right :)

3)  I am not as well-spoken as I would like to be.  I swear way too much, I am far too sarcastic.  I sometimes sound like a moron.  I need to think before I think about speaking, and then I need to think again before I open my mouth.  This is something I can work on and be in charge of, and I need to take charge of it.

4)  I am not accomplished in any of the ways I ever planned to be.  I thought I would be a published author by now.  I thought I would have graduated law school.  I haven't done either of those things.....and I'm not interested in the law school thing anymore (I've now worked with enough attorneys that I feel I have a good grip on the spectrum, and I like my little niche in the law--for now).  I'm not sure if I feel a need to be a published author, but I do want to start writing again--which is part of why I started this blog.  To that end, I will write for at least 30 minutes per day--if not here, I will be working on some sort of fiction, or, Heaven forbid poetry (oh my gosh, I am a horrible poetess, but as a younger woman poetry really helped me work through a lot of my angst).

So, that is where my thinking has brought me.  I am a middle-aged woman with a fantastic husband, two adult children (by the way, that's still hard to say or write), a career that is good--not great, not always as fulfilling as I would like it to be, but good.  I work with people I really like, and I do something that I really believe it.  I'm not sure I can ask much more than that.

There it is.

We have the plague.....

Seriously.  Alex started it (I'm not just saying that, he totally did), and shared it with me.  He's generous that way.  There wasn't a whole lot of notice on this one--Alex was fine one hour and sick the next.  He's had it since Wednesday, been on antibiotics since Friday.  I got sick Saturday, worse on Sunday night and Home on Monday.  Headed to work this morning, and made it an hour.  They applauded when I left--apparently the coughing was a little bit annoying.

Let me tell you some observations I have made being sick this last couple of days:

1)  There is actually such a thing as too much sleep/rest.
2)  Alex is a better sick person than I am--I hate to admit that, and I would deny it in most circumstances, but he is.
3)  Hot and sour soup really is better than chicken noodle or won ton when you are congested--had some over the weekend, made some today (easier than you might think).
4)  You can fall asleep with one set of Real Housewives and wake up to another if you leave the TV on Bravo.
5)  Our animals like someone being home in bed.  I think it makes them feel less lazy.

Really there is no point to this posting, just that Alex is sick, I'm sick and I don't care for it.  That's all for now, wish it were more interesting for you.