It may not be politically correct, but it works for us.......

We're not normal parents (okay, we're not really normal people, but that's for another blog).

That being said, we have managed (whether by intention, happy accident or sheer dumb luck) to raise two amazing children.  We are both very proud of their accomplishments, but more importantly, we are proud of the men they are growing up to be.  They volunteer, they're nice to kids, animals and old people, they have part-time jobs they've had for almost four years, they're polite and they are just generally good guys.

Sometimes though, they are (either singly or doubly) really stupid.  I mean, ridiculously, hugely and potentially fatally (whether by the action or by the consequence to the action) stupid.

Last night was apparently Devin's turn in the Stupid Soup.  It's been his turn a lot lately--by the way, his name has not been changed to protect him as he isn't innocent.*

Last night though, last night took a big old chunk of cake.  To begin, Devin had no business being out of the house with his friend--no name, he isn't our kid, so it would be rude to out him--as his chores were not done.  If your chores aren't done, you don't go out.  Period.  The fact that we were out meant that he chose to disregard that rule of life.  To add to that, Devin was not supposed to have the car.  Prior to leaving the house, we asked Devin if he had a ride and he said yes.  We said that his brother should have the car as he was working late, and would need to get home.  Devin told his brother that we said he should have the car, since otherwise "it will just be sitting downtown."  He's not wrong, we had that conversation earlier in the week, but before we left, not so much.  Then there was the accident.  In and of itself, not a humungous deal--nobody was hurt, he hit a column in the parking garage at the movie theater while he was retrieving the car to get someone who he didn't have permission to get (remember, he wasn't supposed to have the car) and who we don't know.  Big no-nos, both of those points.  There is some damage.  He dented the back passenger door and the back quarter panel.  The paint is trashed.  The metal is exposed, and I suspect pulling the dents will be the least of it.  On the other hand, we have the option to go through insurance or not and we will need to gather more info before we make that decision.  Not fixing the damage is not an option, as the metal is exposed, and the car is in otherwise very good shape.

Here's the kicker though.  After damaging the car at about 7:45 (by his own account), he proceeded to attempt to pick up previously said non-sanctioned passenger, go back downtown and park (in a lot, not the garage), then buy a ticket and go to the movies.  He told his brother to let him know when he was off of work and he would bring the keys out.  When his brother called at 9:45 to say he was done at work, that's when Devin called us for the first time.  For the first time.  With a lie.  He sounded panicked on the message (we were in a live performance, cell phones off.  He sounded as though it had just happened, and he said that he found the car damaged, that it had white paint on it (no, it had white stripes from the totally removed paint) and that he couldn't find a white car in the parking lot.  He lied to his brother, telling him the same story.  He then proceeded to lie multiple times via text and phone until it was pointed out to him that a fraudulent report could have legal consequences and cause us to lose our insurance coverage.  Then he called and "confessed."  We told him we would deal with it all today, and came home to find that he had not done his chores either.  It was a mess.

Now to the non-traditional part, his punishment.  You see, there are natural consequences (financial in this case), there's the yin/yang balance (public humiliation to all the grown-ups important to him, because we would brag if he had gotten another award or grant or good thing), then there is the revenge.  Im serious.  Revenge.  Lest anyone not know, our twins are 18.5 years old.  They are adults.  They live under our roof (for now) as adults who follow roommate style rules, and the majority of their bills are paid by us (which makes them slightly subservient roommates, but, I digress).

So, to the revenge.  As Devin is extremely musically gifted (please see my facebook post of his recent open mic performance at a local coffee shop--yin/yang folks, yin-yang), and has some performance anxiety issues (don't we all?), we have determined that he will practice and perform acoustic guitar sets at his great-grandmother's senior only apartment building during their dinner hour.  They'll love it, it's a community service and he can have an appreciative audience.  Then, just for fun, he'll be doing some performing for us.  We discovered that one of our local restaurants has live karaoke from 11pm to 1am on Saturdays.  We also discovered that their playlist includes Rapper's Delight--I know you know it, Sugarhill Gang--first full-length rap song, amazing, really, just amazing.  He will be performing that, we will be videoing it, and we will be inviting friends and family to witness it live.  It'll be great, people really.

At the end of all of this, what I want to emphasize is this.  With two adult children starting college, the parenting hasn't yet ended.  We thought it might, because we weren't sure that Devin could handle the conversation about all of this today, and we thought we might have to ask him to leave.  He did really well throughout it though, maturely responded to us,  and helped to put some things in place to ensure that his responsibility to himself and us will increase.

So, all's well that ends well (for not anyway).

*One thing we have been criticized for is making our children's occasional shortcomings public.  We are both big believers in natural consequences and yin and yang.  If you do something stupid, there's a consequence.  If we brag about your accomplishments, we also tell of your lapses in judgement and good sense.  It's all about balance, people.

Turns out I'm a little bit slow.........

Those of you who know me well will know that this is not only not a surprise, but is more than a little bit true.  

Gavin is playing college football--he's a receiver for Foothill College, keep an eye out here for more on that.  He hopes to transfer in two years and continue playing while he gets a business/hospitality degree.

Devin is becoming quite the performer--He plays drums, guitar and will be taking piano this year.  He wants to write his own music, and go into music as a profession.

All this means that they've grown up.....I must have blinked and missed it, because I swear we were just teaching them to dress themselves, pee standing up and tie their shoes.  I know they've had part-time jobs for almost four years.  I know they've each dated.  They graduated a few months ago.  All of those things should have clued me in to them having grown up, but denial is a beautiful place, you know what I mean?

So, next week Devin starts classes at CSM and Gavin starts double day practices at Foothill.  They have classes and obligations, drivers licenses and jobs.  They have friends that are going to last a lifetime, and they have parents who love them very much and a mom who is stunned that they are this grown.

Where does the time go?

A friend recently said to me that we had missed so much of each other's lives over the years.  That phrase has been haunting me for weeks, reverberating in my head.

I've missed a lot of a lot of people's lives, and am feeling a need to connect with some of them.  I realize that they may or may not have room for me and that just because it's a good idea for me doesn't mean it will be for them, but I plan to do my best.

I have some great friends, but we aren't always in the same place in our lives which means we can't always accommodate each other, but I intend to make an effort.

One of those folks is my sister Melina.  See, I'll bet some of you didn't know I had a sister named Melina.  She and I have had our ups and downs, we came into each other's lives full-time in our mid-teens, when she came to live at our house.  Let me repeat that, she VOLUNTARILY came to live in our crazy-ass family.  Just now she's having some medical issues, and they are coming on the heels of a big disappointment.  I'm worried about her, but I know she has a great husband (good sense of humor and clearly loves her dearly) and son (Nic is an awesome kid--adult really, but that one's tough to say) as well as a small bit of comic relief, her adorable daughter.  I know she will be just fine, but for now, I'm worried about her and I wish I lived close enough to help her, make some lasagna for her, some soup, I don't know.  Take her an O magazine, whatever.  I'm whining, but I'm worried.

So, this is a really badly connected blog about the passing of time and me being worried about my sister and hoping to re-connect with some folks.  Really, I'm just babbling.  Maybe it's the back discomfort--I had a deep tissue massage yesterday which I'm sure will feel great in a day or two, but now it hurts.