since I posted. The last post I put up was about how tough a time we were having finding a house we could afford........well, we did it!
Or house closed last week, and we took possession on Wednesday. We bought a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house with a nice sized yard that needs some work (the yard, not the house!). We are having the house rewired, doing a bit of painting and having the floors refinished. Then we have a new stove and fridge coming in, and the next day all our stuff arrives. That, by the way, will be December 22.
That morning Alex and I will leave for work and Delancey Street Movers will arrive. Under the direction of Gavin on the old house end and my mom on the new house end (armed with a map of where things go), they will bring all of our stuff to the new house, and Alex and I will come home to our house for the first time.
That's the theory anyway.
This is the first time we have ever used movers, so we'll see how it goes. The have a great reputation, and fantastic reviews on Yelp. My office has used them several times, and they've done well there, so I am confident they will take care of the Tiki bar, stop light, jukebox and all the rest of our furniture.
Thanks to all of you who have been supportive of our search and all the madness of the mortgage process. Most especially, thanks to our family--without whom we literally couldn't have done this.
Now comes the fun part, owing and owning our own place. :)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The hunt......
I like a bargain. No, seriously--I am a bargain hunter extraordinaire. I like getting good bargains on food, clothes, travel--lots of stuff.
I'm having a huge problem with this whole house hunting thing, though. It's frustrating. Many houses are still priced way too high in our area, and those that are more reasonably priced are either falling down (no, I mean really falling down) or get snatched up by people with more money than us.
So, here I am, frustrated by a process that seems far too complicated, with a ton of paperwork, a computer that almost automatically searches for houses and a desire to find a nice, reasonably sized, reasonably priced house.
Thanks all for listening.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
On the Eve of 9/11.........
I'm sitting here tonight, in my house, with my husband and one of the boys, our cat, dog, tortoise and turtle. I'm sitting here tonight and I'm thinking about all of those families who aren't sitting with their loved ones. Or who are and don't know how long they have with them because while searching for survivors, remains and clearing rubble their loved ones inhaled and were exposed to chemicals that are killing them in one way or another.
I'm grateful to all who serve our country--whether in the military, as first responders or as other public servants. I'm amazed as I think of how many people ran towards buildings hit by airplanes, on fire and on the verge of collapse. I'm amazed as I think of how many untrained, ordinary people helped others to escape and survive.
As I sit here tonight with my comfortable life, I am grateful, amazed and incredibly sad to think of all we lost as a nation on that day. I'm also struck by how much we've lost since that day.
Too many people don't think about the events of that day often enough. Too many of us aren't grateful to those around us who make our lives possible.
Tomorrow as I consider 9/11/01, I'll take a moment to pause and consider those who died, those who survived and those who continue to serve. What will you do?
I'm grateful to all who serve our country--whether in the military, as first responders or as other public servants. I'm amazed as I think of how many people ran towards buildings hit by airplanes, on fire and on the verge of collapse. I'm amazed as I think of how many untrained, ordinary people helped others to escape and survive.
As I sit here tonight with my comfortable life, I am grateful, amazed and incredibly sad to think of all we lost as a nation on that day. I'm also struck by how much we've lost since that day.
Too many people don't think about the events of that day often enough. Too many of us aren't grateful to those around us who make our lives possible.
Tomorrow as I consider 9/11/01, I'll take a moment to pause and consider those who died, those who survived and those who continue to serve. What will you do?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
What a long strange week it's been..........
We almost bought a house. No, seriously, we had an offer in, a finance guy and a counter offer. Then the sellers didn't like our counter to their counter, and they sold the house to someone else.
Which is a bummer, I'm not going to lie. I'm sort of hoping that their deal falls through and they come back to us. Is that mean or pathetic?
So, now we're house hunting. We have a pre-approval and everything, just like grown-ups. Now all we need is a house.
In other news, Devin paid off part of his punitive damages by singing karaoke for us on Saturday night. Our good friends Rox and Terry, as well as my mom, Gavin's girlfriend and her mom came to watch. Also on hand were Gavin and Nick--both of whom joined Devin on his last song.
His first selection was Bitch by Meredith Brooks, which he did well at. My favorite was "I'm a goddess on my knees."
His second selection was Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang, which he put forth a valiant effort on.
His third selection was chosen by the DJ who thought it was hysterical that Alex and I had chosen this as a consequence. She went with "Man I Feel Like a Woman." Gavin and Nick joined in on that one, and the three of them had a great time with it.
Ah Nick. I'm going to miss Nick when he leaves for school on Sunday. Not only has he been a great influence on Devin and Gavin, but he is a charming, sweet young man, and I will miss having him around. I know that he is going to have an amazing first year at college, but I also know that his leaving may lead to moodiness, depression and irritability around our house. Who knows how it will effect the boys.
There are tragedies and natural disasters happening all around us. Be nice to people folks, we all have needs sometimes, and we all have bad days. Making someone else pay for your bad day isn't cool--so says Roman, the produce guy at my Lucky's.
Which is a bummer, I'm not going to lie. I'm sort of hoping that their deal falls through and they come back to us. Is that mean or pathetic?
So, now we're house hunting. We have a pre-approval and everything, just like grown-ups. Now all we need is a house.
In other news, Devin paid off part of his punitive damages by singing karaoke for us on Saturday night. Our good friends Rox and Terry, as well as my mom, Gavin's girlfriend and her mom came to watch. Also on hand were Gavin and Nick--both of whom joined Devin on his last song.
His first selection was Bitch by Meredith Brooks, which he did well at. My favorite was "I'm a goddess on my knees."
His second selection was Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang, which he put forth a valiant effort on.
His third selection was chosen by the DJ who thought it was hysterical that Alex and I had chosen this as a consequence. She went with "Man I Feel Like a Woman." Gavin and Nick joined in on that one, and the three of them had a great time with it.
Ah Nick. I'm going to miss Nick when he leaves for school on Sunday. Not only has he been a great influence on Devin and Gavin, but he is a charming, sweet young man, and I will miss having him around. I know that he is going to have an amazing first year at college, but I also know that his leaving may lead to moodiness, depression and irritability around our house. Who knows how it will effect the boys.
There are tragedies and natural disasters happening all around us. Be nice to people folks, we all have needs sometimes, and we all have bad days. Making someone else pay for your bad day isn't cool--so says Roman, the produce guy at my Lucky's.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
It may not be politically correct, but it works for us.......
We're not normal parents (okay, we're not really normal people, but that's for another blog).
That being said, we have managed (whether by intention, happy accident or sheer dumb luck) to raise two amazing children. We are both very proud of their accomplishments, but more importantly, we are proud of the men they are growing up to be. They volunteer, they're nice to kids, animals and old people, they have part-time jobs they've had for almost four years, they're polite and they are just generally good guys.
Sometimes though, they are (either singly or doubly) really stupid. I mean, ridiculously, hugely and potentially fatally (whether by the action or by the consequence to the action) stupid.
Last night was apparently Devin's turn in the Stupid Soup. It's been his turn a lot lately--by the way, his name has not been changed to protect him as he isn't innocent.*
Last night though, last night took a big old chunk of cake. To begin, Devin had no business being out of the house with his friend--no name, he isn't our kid, so it would be rude to out him--as his chores were not done. If your chores aren't done, you don't go out. Period. The fact that we were out meant that he chose to disregard that rule of life. To add to that, Devin was not supposed to have the car. Prior to leaving the house, we asked Devin if he had a ride and he said yes. We said that his brother should have the car as he was working late, and would need to get home. Devin told his brother that we said he should have the car, since otherwise "it will just be sitting downtown." He's not wrong, we had that conversation earlier in the week, but before we left, not so much. Then there was the accident. In and of itself, not a humungous deal--nobody was hurt, he hit a column in the parking garage at the movie theater while he was retrieving the car to get someone who he didn't have permission to get (remember, he wasn't supposed to have the car) and who we don't know. Big no-nos, both of those points. There is some damage. He dented the back passenger door and the back quarter panel. The paint is trashed. The metal is exposed, and I suspect pulling the dents will be the least of it. On the other hand, we have the option to go through insurance or not and we will need to gather more info before we make that decision. Not fixing the damage is not an option, as the metal is exposed, and the car is in otherwise very good shape.
Here's the kicker though. After damaging the car at about 7:45 (by his own account), he proceeded to attempt to pick up previously said non-sanctioned passenger, go back downtown and park (in a lot, not the garage), then buy a ticket and go to the movies. He told his brother to let him know when he was off of work and he would bring the keys out. When his brother called at 9:45 to say he was done at work, that's when Devin called us for the first time. For the first time. With a lie. He sounded panicked on the message (we were in a live performance, cell phones off. He sounded as though it had just happened, and he said that he found the car damaged, that it had white paint on it (no, it had white stripes from the totally removed paint) and that he couldn't find a white car in the parking lot. He lied to his brother, telling him the same story. He then proceeded to lie multiple times via text and phone until it was pointed out to him that a fraudulent report could have legal consequences and cause us to lose our insurance coverage. Then he called and "confessed." We told him we would deal with it all today, and came home to find that he had not done his chores either. It was a mess.
Now to the non-traditional part, his punishment. You see, there are natural consequences (financial in this case), there's the yin/yang balance (public humiliation to all the grown-ups important to him, because we would brag if he had gotten another award or grant or good thing), then there is the revenge. Im serious. Revenge. Lest anyone not know, our twins are 18.5 years old. They are adults. They live under our roof (for now) as adults who follow roommate style rules, and the majority of their bills are paid by us (which makes them slightly subservient roommates, but, I digress).
So, to the revenge. As Devin is extremely musically gifted (please see my facebook post of his recent open mic performance at a local coffee shop--yin/yang folks, yin-yang), and has some performance anxiety issues (don't we all?), we have determined that he will practice and perform acoustic guitar sets at his great-grandmother's senior only apartment building during their dinner hour. They'll love it, it's a community service and he can have an appreciative audience. Then, just for fun, he'll be doing some performing for us. We discovered that one of our local restaurants has live karaoke from 11pm to 1am on Saturdays. We also discovered that their playlist includes Rapper's Delight--I know you know it, Sugarhill Gang--first full-length rap song, amazing, really, just amazing. He will be performing that, we will be videoing it, and we will be inviting friends and family to witness it live. It'll be great, people really.
At the end of all of this, what I want to emphasize is this. With two adult children starting college, the parenting hasn't yet ended. We thought it might, because we weren't sure that Devin could handle the conversation about all of this today, and we thought we might have to ask him to leave. He did really well throughout it though, maturely responded to us, and helped to put some things in place to ensure that his responsibility to himself and us will increase.
So, all's well that ends well (for not anyway).
*One thing we have been criticized for is making our children's occasional shortcomings public. We are both big believers in natural consequences and yin and yang. If you do something stupid, there's a consequence. If we brag about your accomplishments, we also tell of your lapses in judgement and good sense. It's all about balance, people.
That being said, we have managed (whether by intention, happy accident or sheer dumb luck) to raise two amazing children. We are both very proud of their accomplishments, but more importantly, we are proud of the men they are growing up to be. They volunteer, they're nice to kids, animals and old people, they have part-time jobs they've had for almost four years, they're polite and they are just generally good guys.
Sometimes though, they are (either singly or doubly) really stupid. I mean, ridiculously, hugely and potentially fatally (whether by the action or by the consequence to the action) stupid.
Last night was apparently Devin's turn in the Stupid Soup. It's been his turn a lot lately--by the way, his name has not been changed to protect him as he isn't innocent.*
Last night though, last night took a big old chunk of cake. To begin, Devin had no business being out of the house with his friend--no name, he isn't our kid, so it would be rude to out him--as his chores were not done. If your chores aren't done, you don't go out. Period. The fact that we were out meant that he chose to disregard that rule of life. To add to that, Devin was not supposed to have the car. Prior to leaving the house, we asked Devin if he had a ride and he said yes. We said that his brother should have the car as he was working late, and would need to get home. Devin told his brother that we said he should have the car, since otherwise "it will just be sitting downtown." He's not wrong, we had that conversation earlier in the week, but before we left, not so much. Then there was the accident. In and of itself, not a humungous deal--nobody was hurt, he hit a column in the parking garage at the movie theater while he was retrieving the car to get someone who he didn't have permission to get (remember, he wasn't supposed to have the car) and who we don't know. Big no-nos, both of those points. There is some damage. He dented the back passenger door and the back quarter panel. The paint is trashed. The metal is exposed, and I suspect pulling the dents will be the least of it. On the other hand, we have the option to go through insurance or not and we will need to gather more info before we make that decision. Not fixing the damage is not an option, as the metal is exposed, and the car is in otherwise very good shape.
Here's the kicker though. After damaging the car at about 7:45 (by his own account), he proceeded to attempt to pick up previously said non-sanctioned passenger, go back downtown and park (in a lot, not the garage), then buy a ticket and go to the movies. He told his brother to let him know when he was off of work and he would bring the keys out. When his brother called at 9:45 to say he was done at work, that's when Devin called us for the first time. For the first time. With a lie. He sounded panicked on the message (we were in a live performance, cell phones off. He sounded as though it had just happened, and he said that he found the car damaged, that it had white paint on it (no, it had white stripes from the totally removed paint) and that he couldn't find a white car in the parking lot. He lied to his brother, telling him the same story. He then proceeded to lie multiple times via text and phone until it was pointed out to him that a fraudulent report could have legal consequences and cause us to lose our insurance coverage. Then he called and "confessed." We told him we would deal with it all today, and came home to find that he had not done his chores either. It was a mess.
Now to the non-traditional part, his punishment. You see, there are natural consequences (financial in this case), there's the yin/yang balance (public humiliation to all the grown-ups important to him, because we would brag if he had gotten another award or grant or good thing), then there is the revenge. Im serious. Revenge. Lest anyone not know, our twins are 18.5 years old. They are adults. They live under our roof (for now) as adults who follow roommate style rules, and the majority of their bills are paid by us (which makes them slightly subservient roommates, but, I digress).
So, to the revenge. As Devin is extremely musically gifted (please see my facebook post of his recent open mic performance at a local coffee shop--yin/yang folks, yin-yang), and has some performance anxiety issues (don't we all?), we have determined that he will practice and perform acoustic guitar sets at his great-grandmother's senior only apartment building during their dinner hour. They'll love it, it's a community service and he can have an appreciative audience. Then, just for fun, he'll be doing some performing for us. We discovered that one of our local restaurants has live karaoke from 11pm to 1am on Saturdays. We also discovered that their playlist includes Rapper's Delight--I know you know it, Sugarhill Gang--first full-length rap song, amazing, really, just amazing. He will be performing that, we will be videoing it, and we will be inviting friends and family to witness it live. It'll be great, people really.
At the end of all of this, what I want to emphasize is this. With two adult children starting college, the parenting hasn't yet ended. We thought it might, because we weren't sure that Devin could handle the conversation about all of this today, and we thought we might have to ask him to leave. He did really well throughout it though, maturely responded to us, and helped to put some things in place to ensure that his responsibility to himself and us will increase.
So, all's well that ends well (for not anyway).
*One thing we have been criticized for is making our children's occasional shortcomings public. We are both big believers in natural consequences and yin and yang. If you do something stupid, there's a consequence. If we brag about your accomplishments, we also tell of your lapses in judgement and good sense. It's all about balance, people.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Turns out I'm a little bit slow.........
Those of you who know me well will know that this is not only not a surprise, but is more than a little bit true.
Devin is becoming quite the performer--He plays drums, guitar and will be taking piano this year. He wants to write his own music, and go into music as a profession.
All this means that they've grown up.....I must have blinked and missed it, because I swear we were just teaching them to dress themselves, pee standing up and tie their shoes. I know they've had part-time jobs for almost four years. I know they've each dated. They graduated a few months ago. All of those things should have clued me in to them having grown up, but denial is a beautiful place, you know what I mean?
So, next week Devin starts classes at CSM and Gavin starts double day practices at Foothill. They have classes and obligations, drivers licenses and jobs. They have friends that are going to last a lifetime, and they have parents who love them very much and a mom who is stunned that they are this grown.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Where does the time go?
A friend recently said to me that we had missed so much of each other's lives over the years. That phrase has been haunting me for weeks, reverberating in my head.
I've missed a lot of a lot of people's lives, and am feeling a need to connect with some of them. I realize that they may or may not have room for me and that just because it's a good idea for me doesn't mean it will be for them, but I plan to do my best.
I have some great friends, but we aren't always in the same place in our lives which means we can't always accommodate each other, but I intend to make an effort.
One of those folks is my sister Melina. See, I'll bet some of you didn't know I had a sister named Melina. She and I have had our ups and downs, we came into each other's lives full-time in our mid-teens, when she came to live at our house. Let me repeat that, she VOLUNTARILY came to live in our crazy-ass family. Just now she's having some medical issues, and they are coming on the heels of a big disappointment. I'm worried about her, but I know she has a great husband (good sense of humor and clearly loves her dearly) and son (Nic is an awesome kid--adult really, but that one's tough to say) as well as a small bit of comic relief, her adorable daughter. I know she will be just fine, but for now, I'm worried about her and I wish I lived close enough to help her, make some lasagna for her, some soup, I don't know. Take her an O magazine, whatever. I'm whining, but I'm worried.
So, this is a really badly connected blog about the passing of time and me being worried about my sister and hoping to re-connect with some folks. Really, I'm just babbling. Maybe it's the back discomfort--I had a deep tissue massage yesterday which I'm sure will feel great in a day or two, but now it hurts.
I've missed a lot of a lot of people's lives, and am feeling a need to connect with some of them. I realize that they may or may not have room for me and that just because it's a good idea for me doesn't mean it will be for them, but I plan to do my best.
I have some great friends, but we aren't always in the same place in our lives which means we can't always accommodate each other, but I intend to make an effort.
One of those folks is my sister Melina. See, I'll bet some of you didn't know I had a sister named Melina. She and I have had our ups and downs, we came into each other's lives full-time in our mid-teens, when she came to live at our house. Let me repeat that, she VOLUNTARILY came to live in our crazy-ass family. Just now she's having some medical issues, and they are coming on the heels of a big disappointment. I'm worried about her, but I know she has a great husband (good sense of humor and clearly loves her dearly) and son (Nic is an awesome kid--adult really, but that one's tough to say) as well as a small bit of comic relief, her adorable daughter. I know she will be just fine, but for now, I'm worried about her and I wish I lived close enough to help her, make some lasagna for her, some soup, I don't know. Take her an O magazine, whatever. I'm whining, but I'm worried.
So, this is a really badly connected blog about the passing of time and me being worried about my sister and hoping to re-connect with some folks. Really, I'm just babbling. Maybe it's the back discomfort--I had a deep tissue massage yesterday which I'm sure will feel great in a day or two, but now it hurts.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Where the heck have I been?............
Well, the short story is that I've been busy. The boys graduated. The East Coast Grandparents visited for a week. There was a big graduation party. Then there was the big summer party, which contained a big surprise for one of us---Hint, hint, it was Alex--we did a vow renewal for our 15th anniversary, and he didn't know about it until the Minister arrived. Definitely one of my finest moments :)
Then there was the vacation. Have I mentioned we had an incredible, relaxing, pampering, zero responsibility vacation? The West Coast Grandparents, Alex, the kids and I all went to Alaska on a 10 day cruise (Thank you Squeak!).
I think I had forgotten how to fully relax. The only responsibility any of us had for 10 days was sending postcards and being at meals/excursions on time. If you've never cruised, I highly recommend it--we liked it so well that we are ready to go again.
Then it was back to work, and here's the thing, they keep trying to steal my relaxed attitude. So far, I've fended them off, by going to my Happy Place, but I fear they are going to keep pounding away at it!!!!
Here's hoping that everyone is enjoying their summer. I'll make a concerted effort to try to babble more often, I really enjoy reading other people's blogs, and I'm still working on posting to mine regularly.
So, until the next time, adieu.
Then there was the vacation. Have I mentioned we had an incredible, relaxing, pampering, zero responsibility vacation? The West Coast Grandparents, Alex, the kids and I all went to Alaska on a 10 day cruise (Thank you Squeak!).
I think I had forgotten how to fully relax. The only responsibility any of us had for 10 days was sending postcards and being at meals/excursions on time. If you've never cruised, I highly recommend it--we liked it so well that we are ready to go again.
Then it was back to work, and here's the thing, they keep trying to steal my relaxed attitude. So far, I've fended them off, by going to my Happy Place, but I fear they are going to keep pounding away at it!!!!
Here's hoping that everyone is enjoying their summer. I'll make a concerted effort to try to babble more often, I really enjoy reading other people's blogs, and I'm still working on posting to mine regularly.
So, until the next time, adieu.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wow
High School graduation (not mine, though thanks for the compliment, the boys). I can't believe that the years have gone by so quickly--especially when some of the days (an nights) have been so long.
I'm looking at three things as I write this--Gavin and Devin's diplomas, a list of things I need to get for their graduation party tomorrow and two giant boxes of Costco plastic cutlery. One box is full of spoons, the other of forks. Both are the kind of boxes that come with spoons, forks and knives, and yet I have only about a dozen knives, and about 240 each of spoons and forks. How does that happen? Somewhere in there is a metaphor for life.
Spoons and forks are useful, but it takes a knife to do the job correctly? It's one thing to scoop, another to spear, but cutting is the most satisfying? Not sure, just know it's in there somewhere.
Our 18 year old young men (I have to put the young in front or it's just too much) are at their friend Nick's house for his grad party--I was there for a chunk, and his clan will be here tomorrow. They are the Three Musketeers, joined at the hip, etc. When Nick goes away to school in September I am expecting some long faces and sad boys--even though they'll be starting a new school year themselves, without their Nick, I expect them to be a bit sad.
They are now licensed drivers--you've all been warned--high school graduates, and as far as the law is concerned, they're adults.
How is that possible? Although it doesn't feel like I just graduated high school, surely it was only college graduation a few years ago. Didn't they just start kindergarten last year?
That first day of kindergarten, Alex and I both took the day off--me because I was too devastated to go to work, him because he was afraid if he didn't, I'd spend the whole day sitting outside of the classroom and looking in the window. He might well have been right, but he took me to breakfast and a movie and made me wait until an hour after the afterschool program started to go get them so they "had" to do the transition.
He's good at that. Making me let go just a little bit. He's just as strict and protective as I am, but has a better understanding of when they need to spread their wings and move a bit. I absolutely credit Alex with helping the boys learn boundaries for themselves, and make some mistakes, fall down a bit and learn to pick themselves up.
If it were up to me, they'd leave the house everyday wrapped in bubble wrap. Not appropriate perhaps, but true.
Tomorrow we will host lots of family and friends wishing the boys well, congratulating them and helping us to celebrate their accomplishments. Everyone coming to the house tomorrow (and lots more folks who either can't make it or are no longer with us in one way or another) has influenced our boys. We see it in their caring, compassion, volunteer work, selflessness, temper, sense of humor, sense of the ridiculous and overall personality.
Thanks to everyone who has influenced Devin and Gavin--the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. The boys wouldn't have made it with such grace without all of you. Most of all though, thank you to my fantastic husband, honey, you are an amazing friend, husband, companion, father, comedian, cheerleader, teacher and orchestrator of all things good in my life. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life and all our new adventures--this one has turned out pretty well overall.
I'm looking at three things as I write this--Gavin and Devin's diplomas, a list of things I need to get for their graduation party tomorrow and two giant boxes of Costco plastic cutlery. One box is full of spoons, the other of forks. Both are the kind of boxes that come with spoons, forks and knives, and yet I have only about a dozen knives, and about 240 each of spoons and forks. How does that happen? Somewhere in there is a metaphor for life.
Spoons and forks are useful, but it takes a knife to do the job correctly? It's one thing to scoop, another to spear, but cutting is the most satisfying? Not sure, just know it's in there somewhere.
Our 18 year old young men (I have to put the young in front or it's just too much) are at their friend Nick's house for his grad party--I was there for a chunk, and his clan will be here tomorrow. They are the Three Musketeers, joined at the hip, etc. When Nick goes away to school in September I am expecting some long faces and sad boys--even though they'll be starting a new school year themselves, without their Nick, I expect them to be a bit sad.
They are now licensed drivers--you've all been warned--high school graduates, and as far as the law is concerned, they're adults.
How is that possible? Although it doesn't feel like I just graduated high school, surely it was only college graduation a few years ago. Didn't they just start kindergarten last year?
That first day of kindergarten, Alex and I both took the day off--me because I was too devastated to go to work, him because he was afraid if he didn't, I'd spend the whole day sitting outside of the classroom and looking in the window. He might well have been right, but he took me to breakfast and a movie and made me wait until an hour after the afterschool program started to go get them so they "had" to do the transition.
He's good at that. Making me let go just a little bit. He's just as strict and protective as I am, but has a better understanding of when they need to spread their wings and move a bit. I absolutely credit Alex with helping the boys learn boundaries for themselves, and make some mistakes, fall down a bit and learn to pick themselves up.
If it were up to me, they'd leave the house everyday wrapped in bubble wrap. Not appropriate perhaps, but true.
Tomorrow we will host lots of family and friends wishing the boys well, congratulating them and helping us to celebrate their accomplishments. Everyone coming to the house tomorrow (and lots more folks who either can't make it or are no longer with us in one way or another) has influenced our boys. We see it in their caring, compassion, volunteer work, selflessness, temper, sense of humor, sense of the ridiculous and overall personality.
Thanks to everyone who has influenced Devin and Gavin--the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. The boys wouldn't have made it with such grace without all of you. Most of all though, thank you to my fantastic husband, honey, you are an amazing friend, husband, companion, father, comedian, cheerleader, teacher and orchestrator of all things good in my life. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life and all our new adventures--this one has turned out pretty well overall.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Happy Birthday To Me
In the last few minutes of my birthday, I just wanted to say a quick thank you to Alex, Devin, Gavin and everyone else who took the time to stop and think about me on this, my 42nd birthday.
I know that 42 is old to some and young to others, for me it just feels strange.
I have known my husband more than half my life, and I love him more now than the day I married him. I am the mother to twin adult children. I am blessed to have my grandmother, mother, aunts, in-laws, uncle, cousins and quite a few really great friends. I have a career I like which pays the bills, volunteer work that makes me feel good, and I hope contributes to the health and well-being of my community.
Thanks to the few of you who read these random ramblings, I appreciate your feedback and support. Here's to making 42 a great year filled with love, laughter and enough luck to make it all that much more interesting.
I know that 42 is old to some and young to others, for me it just feels strange.
I have known my husband more than half my life, and I love him more now than the day I married him. I am the mother to twin adult children. I am blessed to have my grandmother, mother, aunts, in-laws, uncle, cousins and quite a few really great friends. I have a career I like which pays the bills, volunteer work that makes me feel good, and I hope contributes to the health and well-being of my community.
Thanks to the few of you who read these random ramblings, I appreciate your feedback and support. Here's to making 42 a great year filled with love, laughter and enough luck to make it all that much more interesting.
Monday, March 28, 2011
A funny thing happened on the way to the dinner.......
For those of you who know me, this is going to make you laugh--a lot.
Last Friday night Alex, Devin, Gavin and I were getting ready for the Kainos Annual Dinner. It's about 175 people in the room, all members of the "choir" if you will. This is staff, donors, volunteers and supporters of a fabulous organization which provides vocational training and support as well as group living situations for developmentally disabled adults. We volunteer there, and on Friday I was tasked with presenting a new fundraising campaign to this room of folks-many of whom I know well and all of whom are already supporters of Kainos.
I had been trying to put together what I was going to say for a couple of days, and had been unable to come up with something I liked. Alex tried to help--he is amazing with coming up with catchy phrases and apt things to say to folks, but I just wasn't really feeling any of it. I made notes. Then I wrote out a whole speech. None of it was quite right.
So then it was Friday evening, I came running in the door after work, started getting dressed, and Alex and I were going over all of the things I COULD say. This is the part where it gets funny.
I was nervous. I'm never nervous speaking in public--it may be one of my more irritating qualities. I am often nervous when I have to do one on one conversations, especially if they are uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time I was so nervous I couldn't put a sentence together, though, until last Friday night.
I had some notes, I knew what I needed to say, but I just didn't know what I was going to say until the moment I got to the podium.
Alex was (understandably) worried. The boys thought it was sort of funny.
I did it though. Got up there and spoke--supposedly pretty well. I cracked a joke (a little bit I threw Alex under the bus, because when we left the house Alex said "Just don't make me look dumb, okay?") it drew a pretty good laugh.
I came up with two sayings today that seem to apply:
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those doing it." Chinese proverb
Neither fits perfectly, but they do go along with my theory in life--the answer most often lies in forward motion, even when you've got the direction wrong.
Good night all--I hope your week goes well.
Last Friday night Alex, Devin, Gavin and I were getting ready for the Kainos Annual Dinner. It's about 175 people in the room, all members of the "choir" if you will. This is staff, donors, volunteers and supporters of a fabulous organization which provides vocational training and support as well as group living situations for developmentally disabled adults. We volunteer there, and on Friday I was tasked with presenting a new fundraising campaign to this room of folks-many of whom I know well and all of whom are already supporters of Kainos.
I had been trying to put together what I was going to say for a couple of days, and had been unable to come up with something I liked. Alex tried to help--he is amazing with coming up with catchy phrases and apt things to say to folks, but I just wasn't really feeling any of it. I made notes. Then I wrote out a whole speech. None of it was quite right.
So then it was Friday evening, I came running in the door after work, started getting dressed, and Alex and I were going over all of the things I COULD say. This is the part where it gets funny.
I was nervous. I'm never nervous speaking in public--it may be one of my more irritating qualities. I am often nervous when I have to do one on one conversations, especially if they are uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time I was so nervous I couldn't put a sentence together, though, until last Friday night.
I had some notes, I knew what I needed to say, but I just didn't know what I was going to say until the moment I got to the podium.
Alex was (understandably) worried. The boys thought it was sort of funny.
I did it though. Got up there and spoke--supposedly pretty well. I cracked a joke (a little bit I threw Alex under the bus, because when we left the house Alex said "Just don't make me look dumb, okay?") it drew a pretty good laugh.
I came up with two sayings today that seem to apply:
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those doing it." Chinese proverb
Neither fits perfectly, but they do go along with my theory in life--the answer most often lies in forward motion, even when you've got the direction wrong.
Good night all--I hope your week goes well.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Do what you can, don't focus on what you can't do.
Japan.
Last week if I had said Japan, people would have wondered-vacation, business, new friend, new fascination. Now the only possible response is.....WOW.
I get earthquakes and I get tsunamis. I get that they happen, and I get the devastation that they cause. I understand instinctively that horrible things happen all over the world everyday, disasters both natural and manmade, but this. This is visceral. It's horrible and shocking and it's happening.
We can donate money. We can plan for our own disaster preparedness. We can become CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) members. We can pray, send strength and courage to those we know and those we don't. We can do all those things, and we do and will.
What we can't do is let it take over our day to day lives. We have to more forward, go to work and school, complain about kids and co-workers. Put out a helping hand in your community, in your neighborhood, in your family. Contribute to the big stuff--please do that. Also remember to do the small stuff.
Not surprisingly, I am frustrated by the boys. Not giant sized frustration, just constant small frustrations. They don't pay attention to their grades, they don't take care of their responsibilities, they take more than than give at every turn in the house. Outside of the house, they are great guys. They have earned a lot of respect in out community, at their school, with their friends, with out family and with our friends. Great kids, but they can't seem to focus on what they can do.
I don't have any huge thing tonight, just that I keep telling them that they have to focus on what they can do, take care of their responsibilities and move forward.
Advice I could maybe use a little of.
That's it, just do what we can do and don't focus on what we can't do.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday night heaviness with a touch of hope
I am a member of the Redwood City Housing and Human Concerns Committee. Part of the Committee's job is to administer Community Development Block Grants. These are funds that come through the Federal government for us to administer within Redwood City because the city fits specific criteria regarding our populations demographics.
All of this is a complicated way of saying that I am part of a committee that solicits applications from agencies who provide direct services to Redwood City citizens who fall into several categories, including seniors, low-income, homeless, disabled and other under-served folks in the community.
Tonight we had our funding deliberations. Which means that after receiving far more applications than we had available funding, we deliberated and put forward recommendations to the City Council.
All this means that over the last few weeks, I and my fellow committee members have been reviewing applications from non-profits, listening to representatives and clients from these organizations and tonight debating what they do, how many people they serve, and who best fits the parameters to receive these funds.
It was depressing as hell. No lie, worst year in the five I have been involved with this committee. We had approximately one-fourth of the funding that was requested. It was tough, and some great organizations didn't receive funding, and none of them received the full amount of their request. Truly depressing is the fact that many of the organizations have had their funding from other sources and their fundraising dip because of cut backs and the economy.
Now for the hope. No really, it's in here.
Each of these organizations, and many like them in other communities accept donations in the form of cash, other assets and volunteer hours. This means that we, each one of us who lives in a community have an opportunity to support those of our citizens who most need help through our donations.
If you already volunteer--at your child's school, at an organization that you have a personal connection to, through your church, wherever, that's great. If you already donate to charities in your community, that's also great.
If you don't, or if you can do more, think about it.
A venti latte at Starbucks costs $4, more if you get syrup or other add-ons. A donut costs about $1. Lunch out at work costs anywhere from $3-20.
Times are tough, I don't mean to sound preachy, but the statistics are terrifying. Unemployment is out of control, we are likely looking at several years before we have a significant financial recovery. There are people in our communities who need help, and many of us are in the position to provide help.
You think that your few dollars won't help or make a significant dent, but they will. Agencies can leverage your small donation and point to it as community support when they apply for larger grants or other private matching funds. Those same agencies call out the number of volunteer hours donated per year as a part of their bottom line on services provided to their communities.
That's the touch of hope. No matter how bad things get, no matter how desperate these agencies and these community members get, there are always people who can help. That's us, folks, it's us--because if we don't do it, and don't encourage our friends to do it, who will?
Sorry to be preachy--I'm off the soapbox now, and getting ready to head to bed. What did you do tonight?
All of this is a complicated way of saying that I am part of a committee that solicits applications from agencies who provide direct services to Redwood City citizens who fall into several categories, including seniors, low-income, homeless, disabled and other under-served folks in the community.
Tonight we had our funding deliberations. Which means that after receiving far more applications than we had available funding, we deliberated and put forward recommendations to the City Council.
All this means that over the last few weeks, I and my fellow committee members have been reviewing applications from non-profits, listening to representatives and clients from these organizations and tonight debating what they do, how many people they serve, and who best fits the parameters to receive these funds.
It was depressing as hell. No lie, worst year in the five I have been involved with this committee. We had approximately one-fourth of the funding that was requested. It was tough, and some great organizations didn't receive funding, and none of them received the full amount of their request. Truly depressing is the fact that many of the organizations have had their funding from other sources and their fundraising dip because of cut backs and the economy.
Now for the hope. No really, it's in here.
Each of these organizations, and many like them in other communities accept donations in the form of cash, other assets and volunteer hours. This means that we, each one of us who lives in a community have an opportunity to support those of our citizens who most need help through our donations.
If you already volunteer--at your child's school, at an organization that you have a personal connection to, through your church, wherever, that's great. If you already donate to charities in your community, that's also great.
If you don't, or if you can do more, think about it.
A venti latte at Starbucks costs $4, more if you get syrup or other add-ons. A donut costs about $1. Lunch out at work costs anywhere from $3-20.
Times are tough, I don't mean to sound preachy, but the statistics are terrifying. Unemployment is out of control, we are likely looking at several years before we have a significant financial recovery. There are people in our communities who need help, and many of us are in the position to provide help.
You think that your few dollars won't help or make a significant dent, but they will. Agencies can leverage your small donation and point to it as community support when they apply for larger grants or other private matching funds. Those same agencies call out the number of volunteer hours donated per year as a part of their bottom line on services provided to their communities.
That's the touch of hope. No matter how bad things get, no matter how desperate these agencies and these community members get, there are always people who can help. That's us, folks, it's us--because if we don't do it, and don't encourage our friends to do it, who will?
Sorry to be preachy--I'm off the soapbox now, and getting ready to head to bed. What did you do tonight?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Stuff and Such
So, I haven't done this in a bit, and my last entry was pretty damn introspective. Let me assure you this is far less likely to be so.
I made stew today. For those of you who don't know me well, I make stuff in large batches. Last year I was in charge of the football dinners--feeding 70 kids about every other week. This was right up my alley. I have big pots. I cook big--chili, pasta, meatballs, you name it really.
So, stew.
This afternoon I said to Alex and Gavin (Devin was at work) "What would you like for dinner?" Alex had no input (sometimes he is super specific, most times though, he really would rather skip the whole conversation), but Gavin said "Beef stew." So, while I was out running errands today I picked up the fixins'. Beef, onions, potatoes, carrots, broth, peas. All good stuff. Now, Alex hates stew. Doesn't understand why anyone would take perfectly good ingredients and boil them before eating them.
Now, skip to the good part. The boys left at ten minutes after 7 tonight, and the stew was ready at 7:45. This means there is a giant pot of stew on the stove, Alex and I ate some (one of us had two bowls....bet you can guess which one), and some will go to the various folks I take food to--my Grammy, my Mom, the boys boss, and I will take some to work for lunch on Monday--might even have some to put in the freezer.
So, this is forcing me to think about the fact that the boys have lives. There, I've said it. They have lives. One of them even has a (gulp) girl friend. I separated the words on purpose because I don't know if that term is official, but they are certainly dating. I'm guessing that as they get more and more independent I will have more and more dinners that are eaten by two of us instead of four.
My question--should you choose to answer it is this: Does it get less annoying? Easier? Normal? Okay, that was three questions, but you get the picture.
On a side note, the stew was really yummy, and Alex actually ate it :)
I told you this one wasn't deep.
I made stew today. For those of you who don't know me well, I make stuff in large batches. Last year I was in charge of the football dinners--feeding 70 kids about every other week. This was right up my alley. I have big pots. I cook big--chili, pasta, meatballs, you name it really.
So, stew.
This afternoon I said to Alex and Gavin (Devin was at work) "What would you like for dinner?" Alex had no input (sometimes he is super specific, most times though, he really would rather skip the whole conversation), but Gavin said "Beef stew." So, while I was out running errands today I picked up the fixins'. Beef, onions, potatoes, carrots, broth, peas. All good stuff. Now, Alex hates stew. Doesn't understand why anyone would take perfectly good ingredients and boil them before eating them.
Now, skip to the good part. The boys left at ten minutes after 7 tonight, and the stew was ready at 7:45. This means there is a giant pot of stew on the stove, Alex and I ate some (one of us had two bowls....bet you can guess which one), and some will go to the various folks I take food to--my Grammy, my Mom, the boys boss, and I will take some to work for lunch on Monday--might even have some to put in the freezer.
So, this is forcing me to think about the fact that the boys have lives. There, I've said it. They have lives. One of them even has a (gulp) girl friend. I separated the words on purpose because I don't know if that term is official, but they are certainly dating. I'm guessing that as they get more and more independent I will have more and more dinners that are eaten by two of us instead of four.
My question--should you choose to answer it is this: Does it get less annoying? Easier? Normal? Okay, that was three questions, but you get the picture.
On a side note, the stew was really yummy, and Alex actually ate it :)
I told you this one wasn't deep.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Who I am versus Who I Want to Be......
I have had nothing but half-asleep, half-drugged time on my hands for the last 10 days. For those who haven't been following along, I have been sick for a week and a half, and haven't been to work since January 28th, and haven't done much but lay in bed feeling horrible, watch bad televiision and movies, re-read Little Women (total classic, love it!) and think, and think, and think.
Much of my thought has been scattered and bizaree, but part of what I have come up against is the question of who I am versus who I want to be. I want to be glamorous, sexy, well-spoken and accomplished. I am frumpy, total PTA mom, crass and have a good career, but I'm not sure those are the same thing. So then the question becomes how to get from here to there, and here is what I have come up with.
1) Low maintenance isn't working for me, high maintenance seems like a lot of hassle, therefore I am going to strive for mid-level maintenance. This is also known as doing the best I can with what I've got :)
2) My husband thinks I'm sexy, and that is enough for me. If I work on number one, he is likely to think I am sexier, and that can only work out better for me, right :)
3) I am not as well-spoken as I would like to be. I swear way too much, I am far too sarcastic. I sometimes sound like a moron. I need to think before I think about speaking, and then I need to think again before I open my mouth. This is something I can work on and be in charge of, and I need to take charge of it.
4) I am not accomplished in any of the ways I ever planned to be. I thought I would be a published author by now. I thought I would have graduated law school. I haven't done either of those things.....and I'm not interested in the law school thing anymore (I've now worked with enough attorneys that I feel I have a good grip on the spectrum, and I like my little niche in the law--for now). I'm not sure if I feel a need to be a published author, but I do want to start writing again--which is part of why I started this blog. To that end, I will write for at least 30 minutes per day--if not here, I will be working on some sort of fiction, or, Heaven forbid poetry (oh my gosh, I am a horrible poetess, but as a younger woman poetry really helped me work through a lot of my angst).
So, that is where my thinking has brought me. I am a middle-aged woman with a fantastic husband, two adult children (by the way, that's still hard to say or write), a career that is good--not great, not always as fulfilling as I would like it to be, but good. I work with people I really like, and I do something that I really believe it. I'm not sure I can ask much more than that.
There it is.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
We have the plague.....
Seriously. Alex started it (I'm not just saying that, he totally did), and shared it with me. He's generous that way. There wasn't a whole lot of notice on this one--Alex was fine one hour and sick the next. He's had it since Wednesday, been on antibiotics since Friday. I got sick Saturday, worse on Sunday night and Home on Monday. Headed to work this morning, and made it an hour. They applauded when I left--apparently the coughing was a little bit annoying.
Let me tell you some observations I have made being sick this last couple of days:
1) There is actually such a thing as too much sleep/rest.
2) Alex is a better sick person than I am--I hate to admit that, and I would deny it in most circumstances, but he is.
3) Hot and sour soup really is better than chicken noodle or won ton when you are congested--had some over the weekend, made some today (easier than you might think).
4) You can fall asleep with one set of Real Housewives and wake up to another if you leave the TV on Bravo.
5) Our animals like someone being home in bed. I think it makes them feel less lazy.
Really there is no point to this posting, just that Alex is sick, I'm sick and I don't care for it. That's all for now, wish it were more interesting for you.
Let me tell you some observations I have made being sick this last couple of days:
1) There is actually such a thing as too much sleep/rest.
2) Alex is a better sick person than I am--I hate to admit that, and I would deny it in most circumstances, but he is.
3) Hot and sour soup really is better than chicken noodle or won ton when you are congested--had some over the weekend, made some today (easier than you might think).
4) You can fall asleep with one set of Real Housewives and wake up to another if you leave the TV on Bravo.
5) Our animals like someone being home in bed. I think it makes them feel less lazy.
Really there is no point to this posting, just that Alex is sick, I'm sick and I don't care for it. That's all for now, wish it were more interesting for you.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Trust me, this one is a downer......
Just a few weeks ago a friend wrote an email to me that started "It's funny how we form friendships in life and ours has to be one of the funniest."
He's not wrong. When we first met, he really disliked me, and I him. To say we are political opposites is putting it mildly. What we grew to enjoy in each other is our core values. Our prioritization of family, community and giving back.
Rich Panelli lost his battle with prostate cancer this week, and he leaves a tremendous hole. He touched many lives, and leaves behind a fantastic wife, a son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter, a daughter, son-in-law and grandchild on the way and a large group of friends who adored him.
The last month has been a series of tough losses, but for me, this is the toughest. I will miss telling Rich how wrong he is. I will miss him looking at me and telling me he doesn't understand how I can be so liberal. I will miss just knowing he is there.
There is a song from the musical Wicked that came up on my iPhone today "I Knew You." The most telling line for me is "And we are led/To those who help us most to grow/If we let them/And we help them in return/Well, I don't know if I believe that's true/But I know I'm who I am today/Because I knew you"
For all of my family and friends, especially for Alex and the boys, I appreciate and love you now and always.
As Rich became more and more ill, he started signing off on emails by saying "Be thankful for today." I am, and I will continue to be--I may even start signing off that way, so don't be surprised if you see it, along with the name Rich Panelli in parentheses.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Damn I'm getting old......
I'm sitting here watching Beverly Hills Cop with Alex, Devin and Gavin. The movie is 27 years old.
Remember when we were kids and all the adults around us would talk about how time starts flying by the older you get? Man, they weren't kidding. 27 years ago I was a high school freshman, in June, our boys will be graduating high school.
Don't get me wrong, the last 27 years have been great. I graduated high school, college, had kids and got married to the greatest guy ever--the kids haven't turned out too bad, so far. We've built a pretty good life for ourselves, but damn, 27 years.
I was going to set the world on fire as either an actress or an author, that hasn't so much happened, huh?
I did have plans to marry one of the guys from Duran Duran, and I definitely did better than expected on that front, so there's that :)
So here I sit watching a movie that still has some great lines, decent action scenes and Eddie Murphy back when he was funny. Good to know that although I may have changed in the last 27 years, some things haven't.
Remember when we were kids and all the adults around us would talk about how time starts flying by the older you get? Man, they weren't kidding. 27 years ago I was a high school freshman, in June, our boys will be graduating high school.
Don't get me wrong, the last 27 years have been great. I graduated high school, college, had kids and got married to the greatest guy ever--the kids haven't turned out too bad, so far. We've built a pretty good life for ourselves, but damn, 27 years.
I was going to set the world on fire as either an actress or an author, that hasn't so much happened, huh?
I did have plans to marry one of the guys from Duran Duran, and I definitely did better than expected on that front, so there's that :)
So here I sit watching a movie that still has some great lines, decent action scenes and Eddie Murphy back when he was funny. Good to know that although I may have changed in the last 27 years, some things haven't.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Because Mel asked......
There are lots of losses right now, and this seemed a bit happier and more upbeat than the other stuff going through my head :)
Our fantastic boys, Devin and Gavin were born on January 5, 1993. They were born after two weeks of hard labor--mine. The doctor was giving me drugs to stop the labor, but these boys were tenacious. We have often said that we don't know if their purpose was for good or evil, but they certainly have a purpose. They arrived at 29.5 weeks (for those who don't know, gestation is usually 40 weeks), just about 3 months early.
Gavin arrived first, at 4:31am and weighing in at 3 lbs, 10.5 ounces. He had both fists up by his ears, so that made it easier---not. Once he had his own room, Devin decided he was no longer interested in being born, and he turned over. This meant that someone had to turn him around--you really don't want to know how they accomplished that, but I can say that seeing a hand on the sonogram is really not a good thing! After the administration of some really powerful dilators to me, Devin was born at 4:56am and weighed in at 3lbs, 9 ounces.
I could hear them both yelling, so I knew they were breathing, but I wasn't allowed to hold either one. I was taken to a recovery room, and they were taken to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). A few hours after their birth, I remember telling my nurse that if someone didn't get me a picture or get me down to the nursery, there was going to be a big problem. Someone brought me two polaroids of them.
Man were they ugly. I don't mean "newborn, not-so-cute," I mean really unattractive. Both had a light coating of hair all over them, and each had a stub on their toosh which was what was left of their tails. Poor Devin was born with a black eye from where Gavin's foot had been been sitting in his eye socket before they were born. Devin also had a giant bruise taking up a large part of his forehead from being born. Gavin was less beat up than his brother, but both of them were in pretty bad shape.
They stayed in the NICU in San Francisco for 8 weeks, then they were transported to the regular nursery at Kaiser in Redwood City. There were lots of procedures, a couple of little "fixes" that needed to be made and a scare where we thought that Gavin might have to give Devin a kidney, but that didn't end up needing to happen. Gavin came home at 10 weeks old, and weighed exactly 5 pounds. Devin came home two weeks later at 12 weeks old and weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces.
Fast forward 18 years and a few days, and they are now grown. Devin is about 6 foot 1 and weighs about 175, Gavin is about 6 foot tall and weighs around 170. They are both great kids, and Alex and I are so proud of all they have accomplished, and their amazing potential.
So how come all week I keep looking at them and seeing those tiny little funny looking babies? Is it a parent thing, does everyone look at their kids and see them as little still? I know that they are practically grown, but I would still feel better if we could send them out every morning wrapped in bubble wrap. I don't know what the next few years hold for them, but I trust that they will make the best of whatever life hands them.
So, Mel there's the (brief) story of Devin and Gavin's birth. There are far more interesting stories, but this one has a pretty good end, in that they survived--despite the odds. They aren't developmentally challenged--despite the odds. They aren't blind or deaf (except when they choose to be)--despite the odds.
Our fantastic boys, Devin and Gavin were born on January 5, 1993. They were born after two weeks of hard labor--mine. The doctor was giving me drugs to stop the labor, but these boys were tenacious. We have often said that we don't know if their purpose was for good or evil, but they certainly have a purpose. They arrived at 29.5 weeks (for those who don't know, gestation is usually 40 weeks), just about 3 months early.
Gavin arrived first, at 4:31am and weighing in at 3 lbs, 10.5 ounces. He had both fists up by his ears, so that made it easier---not. Once he had his own room, Devin decided he was no longer interested in being born, and he turned over. This meant that someone had to turn him around--you really don't want to know how they accomplished that, but I can say that seeing a hand on the sonogram is really not a good thing! After the administration of some really powerful dilators to me, Devin was born at 4:56am and weighed in at 3lbs, 9 ounces.
I could hear them both yelling, so I knew they were breathing, but I wasn't allowed to hold either one. I was taken to a recovery room, and they were taken to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). A few hours after their birth, I remember telling my nurse that if someone didn't get me a picture or get me down to the nursery, there was going to be a big problem. Someone brought me two polaroids of them.
Man were they ugly. I don't mean "newborn, not-so-cute," I mean really unattractive. Both had a light coating of hair all over them, and each had a stub on their toosh which was what was left of their tails. Poor Devin was born with a black eye from where Gavin's foot had been been sitting in his eye socket before they were born. Devin also had a giant bruise taking up a large part of his forehead from being born. Gavin was less beat up than his brother, but both of them were in pretty bad shape.
They stayed in the NICU in San Francisco for 8 weeks, then they were transported to the regular nursery at Kaiser in Redwood City. There were lots of procedures, a couple of little "fixes" that needed to be made and a scare where we thought that Gavin might have to give Devin a kidney, but that didn't end up needing to happen. Gavin came home at 10 weeks old, and weighed exactly 5 pounds. Devin came home two weeks later at 12 weeks old and weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces.
Fast forward 18 years and a few days, and they are now grown. Devin is about 6 foot 1 and weighs about 175, Gavin is about 6 foot tall and weighs around 170. They are both great kids, and Alex and I are so proud of all they have accomplished, and their amazing potential.
So how come all week I keep looking at them and seeing those tiny little funny looking babies? Is it a parent thing, does everyone look at their kids and see them as little still? I know that they are practically grown, but I would still feel better if we could send them out every morning wrapped in bubble wrap. I don't know what the next few years hold for them, but I trust that they will make the best of whatever life hands them.
So, Mel there's the (brief) story of Devin and Gavin's birth. There are far more interesting stories, but this one has a pretty good end, in that they survived--despite the odds. They aren't developmentally challenged--despite the odds. They aren't blind or deaf (except when they choose to be)--despite the odds.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Have you ever.....
Considered causing massive injuries to another person? Someone you love? Like, I don't know, your children who will be 18 in just a few days and should totally be able to take a punch...you know, just as an example.
Now, let me say that I love my children dearly. I would lay down my life for them, and I will never stop loving them, no matter what. It's also worth noting that I would feel really bad about it if I hurt them. I mean really bad...like smack my head on the floor bad.
How are you be almost 18 and can't get your damn chores done? How can you be almost 18 and not remember a gosh damned thing? How can you be almost 18, know what pisses your parents off and continue to do those things? Seriously, have you no sense of self-preservation children?
For two hours this afternoon, Alex and I went back and forth with Devin and Gavin. About their lack of responsibility at home and with school, about their amazing responsibility at work, and why we can't get a little of that at home. I mean jeez, their chores take maybe an hour and a half a week total. Really? You can't give an hour and a half a week for your rent, board, clothing, video games, entertainment and undying love and support? Really?
Now, lest you think the boys totally suck (they don't, but today was definitely a greatest hits of suckiness sort of a day), they are great kids. Decent students (B average), great with kids, animals and old people. They've had the same jobs for over three years, they don't drink and party like I did at their age, and they are reliable for every adult that isn't Alex and I. Just good guys all around, the big problem they have is that they can't seem to follow through on things. Like homework, chores, college applications, making plans....you know, life!
So, you know, the urge to cause them pain is sometimes high. Tonight it's all mellow--good dinner, fun hanging out after taking Christmas down today. Alex and I are not feeling great, and they are worried and helpful. For them, the drama is over. For me, it may be a long night.
Now, let me say that I love my children dearly. I would lay down my life for them, and I will never stop loving them, no matter what. It's also worth noting that I would feel really bad about it if I hurt them. I mean really bad...like smack my head on the floor bad.
How are you be almost 18 and can't get your damn chores done? How can you be almost 18 and not remember a gosh damned thing? How can you be almost 18, know what pisses your parents off and continue to do those things? Seriously, have you no sense of self-preservation children?
For two hours this afternoon, Alex and I went back and forth with Devin and Gavin. About their lack of responsibility at home and with school, about their amazing responsibility at work, and why we can't get a little of that at home. I mean jeez, their chores take maybe an hour and a half a week total. Really? You can't give an hour and a half a week for your rent, board, clothing, video games, entertainment and undying love and support? Really?
Now, lest you think the boys totally suck (they don't, but today was definitely a greatest hits of suckiness sort of a day), they are great kids. Decent students (B average), great with kids, animals and old people. They've had the same jobs for over three years, they don't drink and party like I did at their age, and they are reliable for every adult that isn't Alex and I. Just good guys all around, the big problem they have is that they can't seem to follow through on things. Like homework, chores, college applications, making plans....you know, life!
So, you know, the urge to cause them pain is sometimes high. Tonight it's all mellow--good dinner, fun hanging out after taking Christmas down today. Alex and I are not feeling great, and they are worried and helpful. For them, the drama is over. For me, it may be a long night.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I have to begin somewhere.......
It's January 1st, and I have been thinking of posting a blog/journal for months. I like nice, round beginnings, and the first day of the year seems to fit the bill.
Truth be told, this is a little bit my sister's fault. She blogs, her husband blogs, and I read them both. I have a friend who blogs about local politics and civic issues, and I read that too. I'm not certain that I have anything to say, and I am even less certain that anyone is interested in reading anything that I have to say, but I have hope that getting something, anything down in print will help me start writing again.
I used to want to be a writer, went to college and got a degree in creative writing and everything. Over the years though, I have started to second guess everything I write. I currently write reports for a living, which is the exact opposite of creative writing, and that's probably part of the issue too. Mostly though, I just think there's never enough time. Isn't that the lament that everyone uses for everything we can't or don't want to get to? There's never enough time.
Time. Kind of a weird concept. There isn't ever enough of it for us, except for when there is too much of it.
If you are waiting for test results, there is too much time. If you are treating the disease diagnosed with by the test results, there just isn't enough. When you are in labor, there is too much time, when you are looking at your boys applying to colleges, there just isn't enough. When you want something desperately, there is too much time, when you are watching something or someone slip away, there is just isn't enough.
Right now I have a friend who is ill. Really ill, like trying to buy time with treatment, because curing what is wrong with him isn't an option. I know someone who just lost their mother. I know someone who just lost their best friend after a brave battle and two bone marrow transplants. I know lots of people who's lives are amazing, and lots of people who's lives are challenging.
Right now my life is good and I am grateful for it. I've certainly had challenges, and will have more challenges in the future.
Right now, my time seems like it is flowing too fast. Maybe keeping track of it with this blog will help. Maybe it won't. Maybe I will make some sense in this thing. Maybe I won't.
For now though, I am taking my first steps on the Yellow Brick Road, thanks for following along.
Truth be told, this is a little bit my sister's fault. She blogs, her husband blogs, and I read them both. I have a friend who blogs about local politics and civic issues, and I read that too. I'm not certain that I have anything to say, and I am even less certain that anyone is interested in reading anything that I have to say, but I have hope that getting something, anything down in print will help me start writing again.
I used to want to be a writer, went to college and got a degree in creative writing and everything. Over the years though, I have started to second guess everything I write. I currently write reports for a living, which is the exact opposite of creative writing, and that's probably part of the issue too. Mostly though, I just think there's never enough time. Isn't that the lament that everyone uses for everything we can't or don't want to get to? There's never enough time.
Time. Kind of a weird concept. There isn't ever enough of it for us, except for when there is too much of it.
If you are waiting for test results, there is too much time. If you are treating the disease diagnosed with by the test results, there just isn't enough. When you are in labor, there is too much time, when you are looking at your boys applying to colleges, there just isn't enough. When you want something desperately, there is too much time, when you are watching something or someone slip away, there is just isn't enough.
Right now I have a friend who is ill. Really ill, like trying to buy time with treatment, because curing what is wrong with him isn't an option. I know someone who just lost their mother. I know someone who just lost their best friend after a brave battle and two bone marrow transplants. I know lots of people who's lives are amazing, and lots of people who's lives are challenging.
Right now my life is good and I am grateful for it. I've certainly had challenges, and will have more challenges in the future.
Right now, my time seems like it is flowing too fast. Maybe keeping track of it with this blog will help. Maybe it won't. Maybe I will make some sense in this thing. Maybe I won't.
For now though, I am taking my first steps on the Yellow Brick Road, thanks for following along.
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